What’s better than a Friday in New York? How about a Friday in New York and spotting a proper London Double Decker bus! I spotted this beauty parked on the corner of Avenue of the Americas and 48th Street this morning - coffee and bagel in hand, this thing was looking brand new, all shiny and being cleaned by a bunch of guys. Upon closer inspection, it became evident it was part of a marketing campaign for Delta Airlines. Their tagline was “Cheat on New York… sneak away to London or any of Delta’s 400 other locations” - cool marketing.

It was my S’s birthday on Thursday, and we’d decided to take Friday off - so sneaky me arranged for a surprise helicopter tour of NYC. I’d thought the tour included just a circuit around Lady Liberty and Downtown Manhattan, but we were taken all the way up the Hudson River and over the George Washington Bridge - awesome!Best day, ever. Hope you enjoy the movie.

Happy Birthday muffin.

Police got the heads-up early Thursday: An anonymous caller warned that Jeb Ray Corliss IV was going to parachute off the world-famous Empire State Building.Sure enough, at 4:40 p.m., Corliss, 30, a renowned daredevil from Malibu, Calif., made a beeline toward the 86th-floor observation deck. But a building security officer put the grab on him and thwarted his attempt at a rush-hour spectacle.

Authorities were decidedly unamused, noting that innocent pedestrians could have been killed.

“I don’t know about parachuting,” said Timothy Donohue, a security official for the Empire State Building. “But it’s New York City. It’s rush hour. It’s not the time to be jumping off buildings.”

Corliss, once secured, faced charges of assault, reckless endangerment and criminal trespassing.

Awesome - and he almost got away with it. I’ve heard all kinds of comments from people regarding this… the guys over at Z100 (the radio station I listen to every morning) were commenting on how Jeb Corliss must be a nut for doing shit like this. You know what I think? I think Jeb has to be severely pissed off… you can see in the picture above, the guy was hanging on the railings ON THE OTHER SIDE! He was moments away from jumping.

I feel he’ll be back - just as soon as he’s released from Riker’s Island.

More tests are being run on the home and workspace of a Manhattan man in the city’s first known case of anthrax exposure since shortly after the September 11th terror attacks. Unlike those incidents, health officials believe 44-year-old Vado Diomande contracted the disease from animal skins he brought back from Africa to use to make drums. Diomande remains hospitalized in Pennsylvania Thursday morning where he had traveled to perform with a dance troupe.

City officials stress there is no cause for alarm, but they aren’t taking any chances.

Police, fire and emergency crews are testing his Brooklyn workspace and his West Village apartment for any signs of the bacteria. They believe the skins were kept in the warehouse in DUMBO.

Well, I’m perturbed by this, I’ll be honest. Weird that I was playing a freaking djambe drum last night at the Sugar Lounge in Brooklyn… I think I’ll go and wash my hands.

Wow, what a Sunday! I was going to write yesterday, but I was tied up amongst other things - and enjoying watching the Olympics. Well, no doubt you all heard about our record snowfall yesterday - over 2 feet of the lovely white stuff. Not many of my American friends like the snow, but coming from a country that doesn’t get that much in the way of the flakes, I LOVE the stuff.

…and it’s always fun watching the City of New York come to a grinding halt.

If you’re a vegetarian in New York City, you no doubt would have heard the name Teany being thrown around. Recently, co-owner Kelly Tisdale let loose the sad news that due to poor sales, and the subsequent pulling out of their only investor, Moby, they would be closing their doors to the public.

For all you veggies out there that have enjoyed your faux canadian bacon and dust cakes since 2001, do not fear… Kelly has told the Metro that although they did indeed decide to close after Moby pulled out, they are restrategizing their business model and turning it into more of a cafe than a vegetarian restaurant, showcasing tea and sandiches. They will be operating without Moby’s moolar, although he will remain “part of the brand”.

[my viewpoint]

Moby is a fucking muppet. Just goes to show that the guy has about as much teste flesh as the Communards’ Jimmy Somerville. I mean, this is not the best economy, but surely after 4 years of operation, anyone with an ounce of cerebral tissue would have seen this was a winner… I did some “social hunting” on Moby, and happened across these wee lines from our caucasian ghetto boy, Eminem:

And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You thirty-six year old baldheaded fag, blow me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listens to techno

Anyway, good news for the lettuce chompers, bad news for Richard Melville Hall (I can understand why he didn’t want to be known by his real name)… I mean, come on… Melville!?

Have you ever stood waiting for an elevator and the button’s already lit, only to have someone come along and press the button again? I see it all the time in my office building, and it makes me “tsk”. I often see people press it repeatedly like you would when playing Track & Field - they must think that the more times they press it, the elevator car will think that they’re more important and rush down to the ground floor, passing all others on the way down.

[note to all those that press the button more than once, or when it's already lit]

Knock it off. If you don’t have OCD you have no excuse. You look ridiculous when you do that, and everyone is secretly laughing at you, and blogging about you… [cough]…

New York stinks, really, it reeks. Many smells emanate from it’s bowels, but until yesterday New Yorkers hadn’t experienced their city smelling of maple syrup.

An ABCnews.com report states:

Residents from the southern tip of Manhattan to the Upper West Side nearly 10 miles north called a city hot line to report a strong odor Thursday night that most compared to maple syrup, The New York Times reported Friday.

If you ask me, it’s a refreshing change from New York stinking of stale piss.

The rain is still coming down on the City of New York, and that brings with it the onslaught of umbrellas.

The trusty umbrella, invented more than 4,000 years ago - we have seen evidence of umbrellas in the ancient art and artifacts of Egypt, Assyria, Greece, and China. These ancient umbrellas or parasols, were first designed to provide shade from the sun. The Chinese were the first to waterproof their umbrellas for use as rain protection. They waxed and lacquered their paper parasols in order to use them for rain.

And so it began, the umbrella revolution. The quintessential way of keeping cool, or staying dry. Which brings me to this fine City and its populous, continuously clambering over one another, vying for the quicker, the faster, the “more”. The crowded streets, the bustle of human traffic filling every square inch of the island that is Manhattan.

[add copious amounts of rain]

This is where the fun begins (in case you didn’t catch that, it’s called sarcasm). Imagine if you will, around 6-7 million people trying to get to their own individual destination… all at the same time. There’s not a lot of square footage left on the City sidewalks during rush hour commutes at the best of times. Now give each of those folk an umbrella. A typical umbrella probably measures about 2-2.5 feet in width. That’s about the width of 2 people (2 normal sized people) - let’s do the math…

6 million commuters

*

60% (let’s say 3/5 (or 60%) of those are underground, driving the streets, in cabs or riding buses)

=

2.4 million commuters on the sidwalks

*

2 (we’re giving everyone an umbrella, equal to doubling the volume as the typical width of an umbrella is twice the width of a person)

=

4.8 million

So you can see, it’s almost as if the City streets double in human traffic - or essentially, have about half as less space to move around in.

[along comes the problem]

With that many umbrellas being popped open in the City, it’s reducing sidewalk space. It’s umbrella war. I’m sure you’ve been smacked in the head, shoulder, arm, heck even the face, by some brollie-toting fucker more concerned with their own linear line-of-sight path than keeping their canopy from taking out your eye.

So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to the solution: Umbrelliquette.

Below is a list of preventative measures to take if you are the carrier of said rain shield, rendering you a decent citizen instead of a selfish twat:

• Keep the edge of the umbrella’s canopy slightly above eye level. If you can’t see beyond 2 feet in front of you, you won’t be able to see oncoming commuters
• If you see someone coming toward you, and they’re holding an umbrella, be the first to raise yours over theirs - clearing a path where your umbrellas pass with ease, preventing unecessary knockage
• If oncoming traffic is to the right, lean your brollie to the left - and vice versa should they be coming toward you on the left
• Never try and open your umbrella on the subway steps - you WILL take out eyes or remove layers of facial skin
• If you find yourself on the subway after coming from the rainy streets above, FOLD AWAY COMPLETELY your umbrella, don’t leave it half or fully open just because it’s wet and you don’t want to have wet hands… it’s water, you shit head - so unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West, fold the bloody thing
• If your umbrella is one of those fucking ridiculously oversized golf numbers, leave it at home - buy a smaller one - or walk in the middle of the street - last time I looked, there isn’t a fucking golf course in Manhattan, obnoxious bastards
• When the rain subsides, and you close your brollie, please remember to carry your umbrella VERTICALLY, and not HORIZONTALLY as you’re going to stab someone in the balls, vagina, arse or a circus midget in the eye

By following those easy steps, we’ll all experience a much easier commute to work on an already shitty day in the rain. It’s gruelling enough most days to get to work without wanting to rip someone’s head off due to their lack of common courtesy.

Umbrelliquette - so there you have it.

Well it looks like I won’t be walking to work in fear of being ravaged by shards of white hot metal any more… CNN announced today that “information that led to heightened security for the New York City transit system was a hoax”.

A HOAX? Wait a sec, this was one of the most corroborated pieces of terrorist information that we’d ever had since 9/11, no? American Intelligence. Oxymoron of the fucking century.

So now that I had to spend my Friday morning commute with soiled trousers scared shitless about some explosive stroller being wheeled onto my subway car was in vain, I can feel much safer… NOT FRIGGING LIKELY! How can I possibly trust a source (our own Intelligence community) with this new news if their old news was completely fabricated, and indeed, without stringent corroboration?

Yay, you got us with that one! Thanks guys, you had me going for a second there :)

[douchebags]

I’m sure you are aware of the recent news report pertaining to a terrorist threat, which is alleged to take place on the New York City subways. Mayor Mike Bloomberg and Commissioner Kelly spoke on national television on Friday in an effort to step up the public’s vigilance, and indeed to advise that the New York City emergency services were on high alert. Ok, so now we know that there’s a high risk of this happening, any chance you could be a little more specific?

Only until today did I browse upon some rather unnerving news regarding the aforementioned:

A Department of Homeland Security memo obtained by The Associated Press said the attack was reportedly scheduled to take place on or around Sunday, with terrorists using timed or remote-controlled explosives hidden in briefcases, suitcases or in or under strollers.

I can understand and certainly appreciate the fact of retaining some information out of the public eye, for reasons of panic, indeed. However, this latest news release may be of more use than the broader timescale previously released by the press - it allows us to at least make an “educated” choice about how we would like to travel tomorrow.

Admittedly, I am concerned for my own safety, and that of my fellow New Yorkers… but I won’t NOT be travelling on the subway tomorrow - that’s what terrorism is… to terrorize… come terrorize me.

And if it turns out that it doesn’t happen tomorrow, I’ll be on the C & E/Vs trains on Monday about 8am, holding a firm look of defiance and strumming my fingers to the 2nd verse of Coldplay’s “Speed of Sound”.

I’m not being oblivious, but living my life as I do every day in this great city.

today is the day of the Tunnel to Towers run, held here in New York to commerorate the life and indeed bravery of Stephen Siller - one of our beloved firefighters that perished on September 11th 2001. Runners start at the Brooklyn end of the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and make their way into Manhattan, tracing the steps of Stephen on the morning of 9/11 - an excerpt from www.fortheloveoftheirbrother.com - the official site dedicated to Stephen, and the television documentary hosted by John Tuturro:

For the Love Of Their Brother is a heart-warming documentary on the struggles and triumphs of the Siller family after the death of their brother, Stephen Siller, a New York Firefighter whose life was cut short on September 11th. Stephen Siller was on his way home to Staten Island from work when he heard the call on his scanner that a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center towers. Stephen turned his truck and drove toward the mouth of the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel which was blocked by abandoned vehicles .Unable to drive anymore, Stephen donned 75 pounds of fire gear and ran the mile and a half through the Tunnel. He reached the second Tower just minutes before it collapsed. Stephen, who was orphaned at the age of ten and raised by his brothers and sisters, left behind a wife and five children. His story has become legend in the newsrooms and firehouses of New York.A remarkable day of reflection on what can only be described as a commemoration of one of New York City’s bravest - heroes like Stephen Siller opitomize the term ‘bravest’.

It gives one a somber and thought provoking outlook when the sun rises on this city of new york on a day like today. it’s september 11th, 2005 - four years after the towers were attacked. I’m sat here after running three loads of laundry through the local laundromat close to my humble retreat, pondering over the time I watched the immediate aftermath caused by the 2nd plane diving into the WTC in my flat in England.

on my way from bunching socks and general foldage, I spotted the ‘Tribute In Light’ memorial over ground zero - two towers of bright light, careening into the night sky in memory of not only the towers they now replace, but allowing us to remember those that we lost on that fateful day four years ago. I remember people telling me how gorgeous the weather was that day - somewhere in the 80’sF, clear blue sky, new york’s residents billowing into their places of work - just like any other day.

I knew when I saw it happen on television in England that I would eventually move here. I know, what was I thinking… something about that day though drew me here. I remember my dear mother ranting at me on the phone when I told her I was moving to new york in a few days, telling me I must be crazy for even contemplating such an idea. irony has a way of showing you a sign, when you least expect it… the night before I left, I heard on the news that a car bomb had exploded outside a local bar - but it was late, the bars were closed, thankfully nobody was around… the point… wherever you are in the world, you will at some level be affected by the definitive lack of humanity that makes up terrorist cells all around the world. what should you do about it?

simple…

live your life as you would any other day. that’s what new yorkers do. they go about their business, not affording the scum of the earth the power to dictate how to live in their own city. one thing I learned (or should I say, was drilled into me via the guys in the royal air force) is that you should try and be vigilant. keep a subconscious eye out for all that is awry. that’s all we can do. I’m sure as hell not going to lock myself in my flat, never to be seen… spouting nonsensical drivel about when the next terrorist attack’s going to take place. this is my home, this great city… and I have a message for those that are driven by their own religious contradictions…

[slowly extends middle finger on an outstretched right hand]

fuck you cowards!

new yorkers are the most resilient people I have ever met, period. strong, kind, passionate about life, forthcoming, honest, caring and sincere. four years ago they stood on the brilliant white sneaker of a people who don’t take too kindly to having their shoes stepped upon… but they’ll continue to get up the next day and clean them again… for this is new york, and tomorrow is another day.

my thoughts go to those lost and their families today, more than any other day, because today someone is reminded it’s the day a loved one was taken four years ago.

my heart bleeds on september 11th.

I was on my way to work this morning, and my cab was whizzing in out of out lanes (as they do any given day) when we came up behind a white people-carrier, like those mini-bus type vehicles. I was alarmed to read what was written on the back:

let me get something straight here, I live in a society that has created and prides itself on such terms as “african american” and “seasoned” to substitute the usage of their true meanings: “black” and “old”, right? last time I checked, that was an affirmative. so I’m completely gobsmacked to see this white van, with the words “invalid coach” printed on the back doors, like they’re carrying a certain kind of person that needs a label, letting us all know that the occupants’ physical abilities need clarifying.

what kind of fucked up world am I living in? did the same able-bodied, majoritively caucasian group of politically correct arseholes who have made the words “african american” a cool nuance, forget someone?

this then got me thinking even more about the word “invalid” - and then I realized that the word has two meanings and indeed, pronunciations. (a homonym, no less)

example:

invalid

1. in·va·lid - One who is incapacitated by a chronic illness or disability.

2. in·val·id - Not legally or factually valid, falsely based or reasoned

so having pointed that out, wouldn’t it be fair to say that it could be easily summised that the coach that indeed our human counterparts were traveling in, may also be labeling them as #2 above?

think about it for a second… simple word play would deem in·va·lids are just as every bit in·val·id.

let’s hope the folks that decided to paint their “coach” with that fine diction, don’t succumb to a “chronic illness or disability” - just some other kind of painful experience. like their boys removed with the handle of the brush they used to paint those bloody letters.

* [majoritively isn't a word, I know that]

for those of you that either live in New York City, or have at least visited the big apple, you surely have taken a cab. what adds to the fun of riding in those yellow rockets, is the morning commute to work.

there’s no feeling like it on earth when you blaze past a cyclist at 50mph, whilst almost scraping against his handlebars. there’s no substitute for safety.

new york cabbies - bunch of tunnel-visioned half breed crazy bastards!

 
me like kosher, and tings
now this guy, I’ve been hearing a lot about recently. if you haven’t heard of this native new yorker, don’t kick yourself just yet - he’s been hitting the clubs in the city, such as Opaline (an East Village nightspot known for its queer Friday night dance parties), so chances are you have passed him by without even knowing. allow me to introduce Matisyahu - the all rapping jew from Brooklyn, NY. the latest sensation comes from the local mosque, taking the local underground clubs by storm, and more recently, big time cable network shows:Matisyahu on the Jimmy Kimmel showcheck him out for yourself at the link above, but be warned, don’t expect to see some half-arsed biddly bop efforts here, this guy is the real deal.

BOO-YAKASHA!

just for the record, it’s not.

a few things to keep in mind, the next time you feel the urge to expell your mouth spooge in public:

1. you are not Jason Giambi waiting to pitch
2. the opposite sex do not go nuts for your bits watching you fleg your spittle
3. I walk the same streets as you, and I do not want your leprosy
4. nor do I want my dog to succumb to #3

I know it’s something you’ll find hard to do guys, but try keeping your mouths shut in future before letting the pavement feel your bile snot, and do what many women in these parts enjoy… swallow.