President George W Bush tried to make a quick exit from a news conference in Beijing on Sunday - only to find himself thwarted by locked doors.
After answering just six questions from a group of US reporters, the president strode away heading towards the door. President Bush tugged at both handles on the double doors before admitting: “I was trying to escape. Obviously, it didn’t work.”

Mr Bush was in China in the latest stop of his East Asia tour.

Great job George, yet another public display of your blatant lack of cerebral accumen. This guy ceases to amaze me with his regular displays of fuckwitism, a natural ability to humiliate himself wherever he goes.

I wonder if one could book him for a child’s party?

I hear it all the time: “I’m going to sue…”, “I will sue you…” - typical American follow-through to “get your own back”. Truly a sackless move for the most part, and most certainly led to my disdain accordingly for those that do so.

[that was until today]

I have a client that I placed an admin assistant with 6 weeks ago, who apparently isn’t working out as well as said client had hoped. We have guarantee periods in place to protect the client from this inherent problem, just in case their new employee turns out to be a bag of shat. The guarantee in place for this particular client was a 90-day replacement guarantee - layman speak, if the candidate I place does not work out (for whatever reason) within that 90-day period, I replace them for free - this guarantee stands for the full period of 90 days, just as long as the client pays my fee on the day their new employee starts.

[typicality ensues]

Candidate turns out to be as about as useful to the client as a dress and bra is to me. Unfortunately, it’s been 6 weeks since I placed their new employee, and they’re 6 weeks overdue with my $6,500. Yes, the client didn’t want to pay.

[CEO involvement]

We’re suing the client, and I feel good about it. I worked my arse off the bone for this client, and by dicking me around, they have become an exclusive member of the “I’m about to get my wallet pinched” club. You are paying for my service, not the applicant.

Don’t fuck with an ethical recruiter. I have plenty of other clients that pay me for my services - if you don’t want to pay for my services, don’t agree to the contract - simple.

[suing ensues]

The commute this morning was horrendous. The MTA are conducting some major repairs - long needed overhauls of the City’s subway system… which means disruptions for all commuters into and around Manhattan. Today was no exception. I sometimes think that the subway drivers are impervious to heat, as although it’s mid-November, humidity was at it’s peak and it felt around 70′F - yet no air conditioning was running on the C this morning.

[pore explosion]

Needless to say the last car on the train this morning at 8am was full of sweat-drenched working class… yours truly notwithstanding.

I was dying for a late night snack after hanging out with a friend on Saturday night, and as I was walking down Vanderbilt on my way home anyway, I fancied partaking in some McDonald’s fayre (corner of Vanderbilt and Atlantic Avenue).

To my glee I saw the lights on, the brightly lit ‘golden arches’, and here I was, 20 feet away…

[pulls on door]

They were closed to walk in customers? Forsooth, this cannot be! As it turns out, it was to be - these sheisters have opted to keep their drive-thru window open 24 hours, but closed off to any foot traffic. So, deftly done, I scarper around the back to order my food from the drive-thru window… nobody there… I walk to the menu with the built-in speaker, nothing for me to press to gain their attention… I walk back to the window again, and this time I spot some headset-toting fella talking to someone in the restaurant. I decided to knock on the window…

[note to those compelled to knock on that glass window at the drive-thru]

Don’t. It’s about 3 inches thick, probably bulletproof - which would make sense them not wanting to have the front doors open through the night - much safer having a 3 inch thick bulletproof barrier between you and the hungry masses of Clinton Hill. So there I was knocking and knocking… the occupants not hearing a thing, completely devoid of my presence, and the rumblings of my empty tum.

[bollocks!]

Summary: if it’s after 11pm and you don’t have a car, forget McDonald’s - you’ll be shit out of luck. Try the King Chicken place on Fulton between Washington and St. James Place - open all night, and no sign of drive-thru-ism.

We’re all probably aware by now that Daniel Craig recently landed the coveted spot as the new James Bond. I personally think he’s a good choice, certainly less farcical than some of the crap they were considering… Colin Firth (wimp), Hugh Jackman (he’s not British) and Ewan McGregor (wimp) to name but a few.

Recently Nicolas Cage publicly unloaded at contactmusic.com stating that he “resents the unwritten rule which states the secret spy can only be played by British actors and is devastated he will probably never get another opportunity to try for the role.” He went to to say “You can cast a Brit to play Bond but you can never cast an American to play him.” That’s about the bones of it Nic, pick up your toys - he finished his rant by saying “I think that is totally unfair.”

I thought it was unfair you subjecting me to Bringing Out the Dead, Snake Eyes, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin and National Treasure.

Our favorite droopy-lipped action hero looks like he’s at it again. Sly has approached Millennium Films, Emmett/Furla Films and Equity Pictures and scraped together a budget of $50million to start work on his next gun-toting fiasco. An article at Snopes.com refers to a rumor that “Sylvester Stallone will once again portray John Rambo in Rambo IV, an upcoming film which will feature the hero tackling terrorists in Afghanistan and capturing Osama bin Laden.”

Movieweb.com reports:

In Rambo IV, John Rambo is living a quiet life as a recluse in the U.S. — until a young girl goes missing, and he returns to macho form and takes justice into his own hands. Plan is to shoot in Mexico and the U.S.

I myself am looking forward to another “war epic” to match the directorial prowess of Iron Eagle II and Strike Commando.I think Charles ‘Chappy’ Sinclair could kick John Rambo’s ass.

My brother blogged not so long ago about these two blonde shits from California, calling themselves “Prussian Blue” - I couldn’t resist but add my own 2¢.

These cute little blonde haired and blue eyed monsters are Lynx and Lamb Gaede, the latest addition to the “white power” movement in America. They’re twins, born on 30 June 1992… 13 years old and at the center of attention for organizations like National Vanguard, who made the following comment pertaining to the twins’ music video “Victory Day”:

Murrey [producer] lets the twins have some fun on camera, too, which adds to the poignancy of the song without at all taking away from the seriousness of the message. The girls’ baby sister Dresden appears, too — and emphasizes the sacred chain of our race’s life that all pro-White activists hold close to our hearts.

I wish I was making this shit up.A poem appears on the site of Jerry’s Prussian Blue Page [another "fan site"] that outright astonished me, entitled “Prophecy of the Flowers”. There’s a reference to the “n” word at the end of the poem, and another to the “Land of the Aryans”. If any of you know anything of the ancient Aryans, you’ll know that the Aryan sign of the sun and of health and of good fortune was the swastika. Let me type that word again for you… S W A S T I K A.

The National Vanguard site has a disclaimer in the footer which goes a little something like this:

We will rigorously defend our rights to freedom of speech, freedom of association, freedom of conscience, freedom of the press, and all other freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States. NV members in other countries will operate under the laws of their nations.

How on earth can they possibly get away with hanging this under the 1st Amendment in protecting with racist commentary?This is just the kind of shit I’ve been commenting on over the last couple of months, and these white supremacists are teaching their kids to sing about how whites should stand against “people of color”.

Makes my stomach turn. Most of this inane view is more than likely due to severe retardation, but I believe mostly born from fear… fear knowing that a life of once relying upon our non-white brethren being beaten down both socially and professionally, and that we now have to actually work for a living instead of sitting on our fat asses no longer cuts the mustard - the old “classist system” of “ethnic cultures” is finally being accepted at our water fountains, company outings and careers as CEOs - about bloody time.

I find racism abominable.

Class action law suits are common in America - from Apple’s iPod battery life malarkey, to McDonalds and their food making people fat.

Let’s take a look at the latter…

There have been many law suits filed against the fast food giants: MacDonalds, Burger King, KFC and the likes… for example, in July 2002 some fat dude called Caesar Barbar filed suit against the aforementioned restaurants in complaint that their food caused him to become obese, develop diabetes and coronary heart disease amongst other detrimental health defects.

The 56-year-old Bronx resident claims he didn’t realize that fast food hamburgers were unhealthy, and blames four companies–McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Burger King - for selling fatty food and failing to warn consumers.

The case was subsequently thrown out as the judge deemed that his “weight” and “health problems” were his own responsibility - I should think so too - fucking free loaders. How can anyone think scoffing a big mac is as healthy as picking at a chicken salad? Morons.

This brings me to-date, and a CNN article on a new bill being passed by the House of Representatives that would block lawsuits by people who blame fast-food chains for their obesity… the “Cheeseburger Bill”. Yeah, that’s not a typo… cheeseburger bill.

I know what’s next… drunks suing bars for their beer guts.

Take responsibility for what you throw in your mouth, and stop blaming others for your waistline. Try a salad, and step away from the bag of lard.

Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson is striking back at NBA officials after they placed a ban on wearing chains over clothing.

“I think it’s a racist statement because a lot of the guys who are wearing chains are my age and are black,” said Jackson, 27. “I wore all my jewelry today to let it be known that I’m upset with it.

Listen here Steve, it’s not racist, it’s called “wear appropriate dress as defined by your EMPLOYER”, dick head.

Get over your “racist” banter - by you simply saying “racism” begets racism. Twats like you keep racism rife. Get over your 200-year old broken record for fucks sake.

The Boston Herald is reporting that a local High School’s radio station faces the chop after 35 years as a network of Christian broadcasting stations seizes their frequency.

Maynard High School’s radio frequency, 91.7 FM, is being seized by a network of Christian broadcasting stations that the Federal Communications Commission has ruled is a better use of the public airwaves. “People are furious”, said faculty adviser Joe Magno.

Maynard High’s WAVM, which has been broadcasting from the school for 35 years, found itself in this David vs. Goliath battle when it applied to increase its transmitter signal from 10 to 250 watts. According to Magno, that “opens the floodgates for any other station to challenge the station’s license and take its frequency.”

I love the part that states that the “Federal Communications Commission has ruled is a better use of the public airwaves”… I guess “Kum ba yah” will be topping the charts next month.

Yes folks, Stallone is back! It’s official - “Rocky Balboa” will be the 6th movie in the Rocky series to hit the big screen. After years of trying to get another Rocky movie released, Sly Stallone has managed to get co-funding from MGM, Columbia Pictures and Revolution Studios, and will be distributed by Columbia Pictures.

CNN’s article goes on to say:

The latest version, which sources said is similar to the tone and grit of the first two movies, persuaded the studios to negotiate a deal.“In many ways, the screenplay really took me back to the original ‘Rocky,’ ” Revolution Studios founder Joe Roth said in a statement. “As a past champion, Rocky Balboa is once again a regular guy who has to find himself and deal with real life. This film brings Rocky’s story full circle.”

In the new installment, Rocky, lonely and retired in Philadelphia, comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local fights. He’s approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason “The Line” Dixon, and soon his comeback ignites a media firestorm.

“‘Rocky Balboa’ is about everybody who feels they want to participate in the race of life, rather than be a bystander,” Stallone said in a statement. “You’re never too old to climb a mountain, if that’s your desire.”

I wonder who’ll be playing his opposite corner in this one… I’ve read stories that Dolph Lundgren was asked to play Ivan Drago again and even Vin Diesel has been in talks with Stallone’s people.

Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaan [bottom right lip drooping]

CNN have reported in an article today, that the government have created a new “U.S. Spy Service”, named the National Clandestine Service.

Acting on a recommendation from the commission that investigated intelligence failures before the Iraq war, the government announced Thursday the creation of the National Clandestine Service headed by an undercover CIA official.The new entity will oversee human intelligence operations conducted by the 15 U.S. agencies involved in spying, including the FBI and the Defense Intelligence Agency, a branch of the Pentagon.

There we have it folks, a government body created to make sure the other government bodies do their jobs effectively.

Typical american governmental approach - if it doesn’t work, plaster over it - it will look better for a while, then we’ll just plaster over it some more. Again, aesthetics, zero substance. A shake up of the CIA, FBI, Pentagon etc would have been far more welcomed in my opinion. Reappointment of top level officials, new doctrines drafted and executed.

Don’t be daft, that would take more money, and we’re broke - besides, we’d rather spend it on Iraq, no?

Intelligence Agencies. Still makes me laugh.

One thing a non-American may notice about this country is that the art of conversation is not abound as one might think.

Take morning pleasantries for example. It goes a little something like this:

Person #1
“hey, how are you?”

Person #2
“good, how are you?”

Person #1
“good”

And there you have it - the extent of the morning “hellos” - thank god I haven’t succumb to this meaningless tattle in the a.m. as I sip my coffee…

I work with fucking morons.

We started a new group within our firm not so long ago, and I have no idea what our President was thinking… hang on, maybe I do… “hey, let’s go to Brooklyn Zoo and hire us some fucking monkeys to come and recruit for our new team”.

[clenches teeth... counts to ten]

fucking morons.

The rain always makes for fun times during morning rush hour commuting. Subway platforms are packed, the trains’ expediency is sporadic at best, and if you’re lucky enough to squeeze into one, you’re a fucking sardine. I am including the following example of complete moronic twattism into my list of “mood changers” in my “setting me up for the day” article - this is number 9 on my subway commute shit list.

[the set up]

So the C train this morning was extraordinarily slow to show at Clinton/Lafayette - on a good day the frequency of these steel behemoths is borderline slothesque. I board with my backpack (taking well-in-need-of-repair shoes to cobbler in the city), umbrella and man purse (also known as ‘murse’ to the metro crowd apparently) and slide into a space at the back of the subway car against the back door - nice, I can lean and not have to touch the sneeze-smeared hand rail today.

We go along for a couple of stops, and then this Asian girl decides to worm her way over in my direction. She proceeds to stand next to me, facing right (I’m facing front in the direction of the train) and holding onto one of those horizontal hand rails… and then it happens… she takes out her copy of the New Yorker, and releases her hand from her support bar. All’s fine and dandy until the train pulls into the next station and her body is thrown forward as the brakes are hit… bang, in she goes like a pro wrestler into the unsuspecting commuter in front of her, to which she proclaims, “Oh, sorry”, and returns her bony Asian hand back to the underutilized rail. The train sits in the station for long enough for the perpetrator to let go yet again and return to her New york rag.

[slow motion]

I watch her, almost knowing what’s coming next… call me David fucking Blane… “stand clear of the closing doors, please”… [pissshhhhhh]… train jerks forward with the release of the brakes and the driver throwing the switch into drive… einstein comes lurching like she’s coming at me with some new martial art move involving her skinny arse and pointy elbow.

Come on, for crying out loud! Is it that difficult for a human being to understand that when the train jerks either forward or back, you’re up for some movement in the opposite direction, guaranteed. And it’s not as if this is surprising to anyone, it happens every… bloody… time… it… pulls… into… and… out… of… the… station! Pisses me off when this select few feel it’s ok to bash and knock into me on the train. Why? Seriously, why? What am I, a fender? A fucking cushion?

Anyway, so without further ado, I deftly fashioned my chest into a medieval battering ram and pushed back… what? She got it coming.

[lesson]

Grow another hand, or put your bag on the floor and free up your other hand. Better still, hold onto the frigging rail - if the trains didn’t have ‘em you’d be pissed. You’re not a chuffing balancing act at the local Billy Shit’s Traveling Circus.

[felt good pushing back - think I'll make a habit of reciprocating future cuntish behavior like that]

Well it looks like I won’t be walking to work in fear of being ravaged by shards of white hot metal any more… CNN announced today that “information that led to heightened security for the New York City transit system was a hoax”.

A HOAX? Wait a sec, this was one of the most corroborated pieces of terrorist information that we’d ever had since 9/11, no? American Intelligence. Oxymoron of the fucking century.

So now that I had to spend my Friday morning commute with soiled trousers scared shitless about some explosive stroller being wheeled onto my subway car was in vain, I can feel much safer… NOT FRIGGING LIKELY! How can I possibly trust a source (our own Intelligence community) with this new news if their old news was completely fabricated, and indeed, without stringent corroboration?

Yay, you got us with that one! Thanks guys, you had me going for a second there :)

[douchebags]

In a world rife with the “norm”, we are taken to a land of promise and satisfaction with the help of a true genius - genius that is unparalleled by anything we have ever experienced… finger breakdancing.

Finally, I will have something to call a true hobby - and before you know it, hoards of New Yorkers will turn up in droves on Broadway to witness what can only be touted as the next big thing.

Now, all I need to achieve such stardom is a bucket of the Colonel’s finger lickers every night, move back in with my folks, and film myself putting my fingers to such use other than whacking off to pictures of Jessica Simpson.

I have a couple of comments to make on the latest ad campaings concerning John Corzine and Doug Forrester’s run for Governor:

1. why the hell are you running your ads on New York television? keep your inane drivel in your own state - I couldn’t give a crap about who’s running for the Jersey chair

2. stop throwing the exact same shit at each other… “Corzine voted against tax cuts 3 billion times…”, “Forrester voted against tax cuts a gazillion times…” - what are you telling me here? that you’re both as fucking useless as the other? seriously, what DO you have on your agenda? sounds like jack shit to me.

3. you know things are getting desperate when you have to try and shame your opponent - how about harping on about your own successes, instead of resorting to the negative regarding your opposite corner?

grow up, you pair of adolescent twats - and stop interrupting my telly with crap that doesn’t even concern me, ya bastards!

I just came across this article criticizing Education Secretary William Bennett for his recent comments on Wednesday during his radio talk show:

“If you wanted to reduce crime, you could — if that were your sole purpose — you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down.”

There’s little wonder that this country is so divided - that poverty predominantly strikes the heart of the black communities in this country. What chance do our fellow neighbors have when we have Governmental representatives such as this bigot fucker spouting hate-laced racism.

How about we reduce crime by improving education, housing, jobs and overall community relationships?

it was probably around 4:50pm yesterday whilst I was finishing up work for the week, and I decided to take a trip to the Apple Store in SoHo to pick me up a spankingly shiny new black iPod nano. Being the kind of perfectionist I am, I decided to call the store, just to make sure my journey would not prove futile… so I called, and asked some guy if they had any black 4GB nanos in stock, to which I was advised “yes, sir. we have plenty.” I made sure by asking pretty much the exact same, and he repeated his first reply.

in a blur, I shut down my POS windows work station and head out for the 6 train downtown to Spring Street. The 6 is amazing - always one flying down the tunnel, never have to wait… so I board and fight the excitement of holding my new girlfriend - black, sleek, sexy, great ass… < not that one.

I get to the store at 5:20pm, and the line is as expected… vast. I’m stood in line for about 15 minutes, and I’m gradually getting closer to holding my tiny new toy, and some guy comes out from behind the counter (funny, I actually remember him looking like Michael Buffer) and shouted, “those that are waiting to pick up a black 4GB iPod nano, please raise your hand.” There I was, flashback of Mr. Blackburn, my old math teacher from high school asking the class some algebra question, and I would always shoot my hand into the air as I knew the question… math was easy. My hand went up, and the Buffer look-a-like counted…

he turned to us all and said, “we only have 5 left…”, then motioned to the last two thirds of the line (which included me) with his hand and continued, “you guys from here onward probably won’t be able to get one today, but you’re welcome to stay in line just in case those in front of you don’t get one. Or you could go for the 2GB model.” Ok, two things:

1. those 5 lucky bastards that are in line for a guaranteed nano, would have to physically drop dead for them to not get their iPods

2. why would I settle for something I didn’t come here for?

[deep breath]

My shoulders slumped, and I sighed. Then I remembered my call to the store only 25 minutes earlier - “yes, sir - we have plenty.” Plenty, huh? Let’s look at some facts here for a second:

Typically, the average sale at the Apple Store can take anywhere from 3 minutes to closer to 5 - let’s go with 5 minutes, as it was a Friday night, and the place was packed, and there were new iMacs flying off the shelves and they try and cross sell you extra software, Airport cards, extended warranties etc.

The math:

25 minutes between my call and arriving at the store

/

5 minutes per customer

=

5 iPod nanos sold (if indeed all 5 customers actually bought an iPod nano

+

the 5 remaining iPod nanos I was told they had left

=

10 iPod nanos when I called from the office approximately

I ask you, when did 10 of anything become “plenty”, when it’s the hottest thing in the world right now, in a packed store, on a Friday night after work… IN NEW YORK FUCKING CITY???

I have a message to the jackass on the phone at the store who took my call, and gave me the good old ‘bait and switch’ maneuver… if I ever get my hands on you, you will have plenty of teeth left in your bullshit mouth.