I was driving back to my place this morning to pick up a few things for work tomorrow, and whilst the roads were quiet at 7am on a Sunday, the roads still offered up its share of fucking morons.

I was on the I-278 West headed into Brooklyn and I could see myself coming up behind a van - one of those Scooby Doo “Mystery Machine”-like things - so I slowed waiting for him to pull over from the fast lane (or passing lane as it’s known here in the US) into one of the other unoccupied lanes, but he didn’t. He stayed in the passing lane. Nothing to his right in either of the slower lanes. I flashed the headlights once… no response. A second time… nothing. So I wait a little, figuring his radio’s going, or perhaps he’s on his cellphone like the rest of the idiots… and then I flash again. This time I see his feint silhouetted arm point to his right, and I lost it. This guy is motioning for me to undertake him because he doesn’t feel the need to remove himself from the passing lane and let faster moving traffic overtake.

Let me bring to your attention some international definitions on undertaking (both from Wikipedia):

United Kingdom - Undertaking is not specifically illegal, however drivers should overtake on the right where possible. Undertaking in an aggressive or reckless manner could be considered Careless Driving or more seriously Dangerous Driving, both of which are legally enforcable offences.

United States - Undertaking is usually allowed if not expressly forbidden by road signs.

So what that’s telling me is that even though undertaking isn’t condoned in the UK, it’s “usually allowed” in the US.

I remember talking with S after she took a defensive driving course to help lower her insurance premiums, and her instructor informing her that the passing lane should be used for passing traffic only in ideal situations, and if at all possible, you should move your vehicle to the right-most available lane to allow faster traffic to pass you safely to your right.

Another excerpt from Wikipedia on the “passing lane”:

Common Practice and most law on United States Highways is that the left lane is reserved for passing and faster moving traffic, and that traffic using the left lane must yield to traffic wishing to overtake. The United States Uniform Vehicle Code states:

Upon all roadways any vehicle proceeding at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place and under the conditions then existing shall be driven in the right-hand lane then available for traffic…

And I found this on the New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law website:

Upon any roadway having four or more lanes for moving traffic and providing for two way movement of traffic, no vehicle shall be driven to the left of the center line of the roadway, except when authorized by signs or markings designating certain lanes to the left side of the center of the roadway for use by traffic not otherwise permitted to use such lanes, or except as permitted under subsection (a) (2) hereof.

Subsection (a) (2) hereof being:

2. When overtaking or passing pedestrians, animals or obstructions on the right half of the roadway

As aforementioned, the middle and right hand lanes were empty, and there were no vehicles coming up in those lanes for as far as I could see.

The only explanation has to be that this guy fell into the stereotypical category of lazy, arrogant, American. Surprise, surprise.

[image from Wikipedia]

I’ve taken up photography as some of you will already know, and I’m having a whale of a time with it - very enjoyable. About a month ago I ventured out on my own and spent the day walking from the High Street/Brooklyn Bridge subway stop to midtown Manhattan, leisurely taking shots. I took a couple of hundred photos and whittled them down to about 20 - one of which I really liked; it was one I took early on, right on the Brooklyn Bridge.I decided to use the guys at Shutterfly.com to enlarge the photo, and I chose their largest option, 20″x30″. I got it delivered today, and my god, it looks superb. Very happy indeed… that was until I chose my vendor of choice to frame the print: Lee’s Art Shop.

I’d done some research on Manhattan-based custom photo framing establishments, and this place came up in the top 3 results every time. So without further ado, I finished up at the office at around 6pm and took a stroll over to 57th Street and Broadway to see what they’ve got for me. I arrive - the place is huge inside. I was directed very politely upstairs, all was good. I approached the framing people and explained exactly what I wanted, and was assisted by a lady that asked the right questions, didn’t try to “up sell”, and I felt very positive.

I knew it was going to be expensive (as I’d chosen the best wood, the thickest depth, the best quality UV protected glass), so when it rang up at $400 I wasn’t surprised - and to boot, she gave me 10% off - I’m assuming as I’d told her I was likely to return as I had plans on framing more photographs as I was an amateur photographer. This was a very good experience thus far. She proceeded to tell me that their framing was of top quality and if there was any damage or imperfections when I came to pick it up (around two weeks), then they would fix whatever problem there was. I politely asked where that “fix whatever problem” promise was in writing, and that’s where the fun began.

I’ll make this as brief as possible.

I asked if I could see some kind of store policy that guaranteed their work, any warranty information, any firm guarantee in writing that covered their work in case the framing was botched when I picked it up, or if the frame fell apart when hung - you know, the usual stuff you’d ask if you paid $400 on anything. Basically I was told that they didn’t have this in writing, and they deal with their customers in this capacity based upon… wait for it… faith. FAITH?They expected me to lay out $400, UP FRONT, and base any guarantee on a verbal promise alone. Not bloody likely. I explained to the [very polite] lady that as a customer about to drop $400 on their services, I expected to see something in writing - a notice on the wall of sorts, a return policy (which I know every business MUST have publicly displayed by law if they are to honor legally such a policy - which is why I always ask), anything - and she turned to her coworkers for advice - they concurred with her initial response to me - it was a nay.

Then the manager walked over… for the sake of this story, I’ll call him Dick. Fat, Brooklyn Italian, belligerent, seriously lacking in the customer service department, and full-on arrogant. I asked him (and in the same polite way I’d always asked until this point) the same questions pertaining their guarantee, return policy, etcetera. His response was classic. “We have never had a written guarantee on anything, our customers take our word for the work we do, I do not know what you want.” I asked again, succinctly, “where do you have a copy of your guarantee, a store policy on returns, for example?”. Again, Dick responded with something I didn’t even ask, “why would you want me to sign a guarantee for something that hasn’t even been custom built yet?” Finally, after much back and forth with this Darwin nominee I said, “Dick, I’m about to pay you [up front] $400 for a service you cannot, and evidently refuse to guarantee, so I’ll take my business elsewhere.”  I won’t go into the tirade that I went into in commenting on his unprofessional bias, nor his blatant lack of my “the customer is always right” retort because it’s ugly and unnecessary, but it’s safe to say I wasn’t polite anymore at that point.  I rolled up my photo, placed it back into the cylindrical packaging, and told Dick that he was lucky to have not had this shoved up his fat arse, and how I was amazed that he did any [legit] business.

This shit makes my blood boil.

Dick the wanker lost out on a lot of potential repeat business, and I could have quite likely have been a multi-thousand-dollar client - I’m shocked to have encountered an unprofessional business owner that communicated in such a manner that was clearly less than above board.

I’m taking my photo to a guy in Brooklyn Heights tomorrow.   Already called ahead to establish his business provides a guarantee for their work. I’ll keep you posted.

If finding a suspicious looking package in my zipcar a couple of weeks ago wasn’t enough, what happened to me and S yesterday took the biscuit - to the point of me cancelling my membership entirely.

I decided to book a zipcar for the entire day yesterday just to run some errands in the city, and to get S back to Westchester for her Optimum Online engineer visit - they were schedule to arrive at her place between 2pm and 5pm. I picked up the car from by my place at around 10:15am, and drove into the city to make a couple of stops - Nike Town, and potentially Barnes & Noble. After trying to find a parking spot for 10 minutes to pay a visit to B&N, we decided to just cut our losses and drive to to her place via the FDR Highway - a major three-laned highway that stretches up the entire east side of Manhattan, running north and south.

To cut a long story short, I hit a major pothole at around 63rd and 1st Avenue, and must have hit it with such force because I felt the brake pedal shudder with a BANG! under my foot. I felt the steering shake immediately, and it grew to such a degree that it became problematic - but by this time I was already on the FDR… then I started to smell burning rubber, and the car started veering to the right. Luckily we were approaching a lay-by, which I took to survey the damage.

S got out and I shouted, “is it flat?!” - she nodded, with a look of horror. I got out of the car and walked around the back to see the front passenger side tire had completely blown out sideways. Now bear in mind, there are cars flying northbound on the FDR doing 70 are 2 feet from our zipcar, so I’m a tad nervous about our safety too. I call Zipcar immediately, and open the trunk to locate the spare tire, jack, and tire iron. With my cellphone in between my shoulder and left ear, I rummage through the Mazda 3’s trunk and little hidden compartments looking for the tire changing tools… nothing. There’s a spare tire, but no jack or tire iron. Just as I let out my dismayed “FUCKING HELL!”, a customer service rep (the first of 3, Jonathan) came on the call. I explain what happened, the situation involving the lack of proper tools to change the damn tire, and I’m told that they would get right onto calling their local towing company to come get us - “they should be calling you directly to give you an ETA within the next 45 minutes to an hour… is your cell number blah blah…?” - I confirmed all necessary details, and we climbed back in the car… and we waited.

Forty five minutes went by, and still no call. In typical [impatient] fashion I called Zipcar back for an update. I got a different CSR (Don) who apologized and said he would find out - and put me on hold.

Now I don’t mind being placed on hold, just as long as THEY’RE FUCKING DOING SOMETHING TO HELP ME.

Don came back after 5 minutes and said… wait for this, you’re going to love it:

“I have just spoken with our dispatch people in New York, and they’ve told me that the people we normally use for breakdown services said it’s actually illegal for them to stop and service any vehicle on the FDR, considering it’s classed as a major ‘highway’. You need to report this to the police to get them to create a roadblock and notify the appropriate breakdown service company that monitor the FDR Highway.”

Bear in mind I have been sat in the car for almost an hour now and not received a call from anyone, including Zipcar - I had to call THEM for this new piece of information.

[strike one]

I tell Don that I need to speak with his supervisor - quelle surprise, nobody’s around to take my call. He assured me that they were doing everything in their power to help me, and I respond with some colorful expletive announcing my deep regret in having to deal with such incompetence. Again I’m assured that someone is coming to help, and I’m put on hold for TWENTY minutes!

[strike two]

I hung up, and began to consider my options.

Calling back, I had a plan… and as it turned out, a bloody good one.

[by this time it's about 2pm - S's cable guy was due any second at her place, over 20 minutes away... luckily she'd already spoken with their dispatch people to give them the heads up that she was running late, and they were going to try and make it as close to the end of the appointment range as possible... 5pm. I know it's only cable internet, but still]

I called Zipcar a third time, this time getting Chad - I remembered him from the only pleasant experience I’ve ever had with their company, and it was a refund from some other fucking mess they’d gotten me into a few weeks ago.

Thankfully, my record at their customer service office had been frequently updated with what was going on, so I didn’t have to go through every minor detail with Chad again. This time however I had decided that I was going to kick up the pace a notch. I told them S was pregnant.

[she's not, but it worked]

This guy Chad seemed to kick into high gear - I could hear it in his voice. I explained to Chad that not only were we alone on the side of a major highway, cold and feeling the onset of the need for a pee, but S was pregnant. He told me to stay on the line, he was going to call his New York fleet supervisor right away… he came back and said that Moses, their fleet manager in NY was trying to get hold of his guy in the field - Damian Richardson. Chad guaranteed that Damian was on his way from servicing another of their cars at a Brooklyn location, and he was coming with a tire iron and a jack. This was 2:45pm.

3:00pm and Damian pulls up behind us. I greet him, as does S, and Damian jumps into high gear - changing the tire like a world athlete. He explains to us that only today he serviced 3 other vehicles at one location and their jacks and tire irons were all missing too… you could just tell how pissed he was with how they run their fleet.

In 10 minutes we were back on the road with our temporary wheel (donut), following behind Damian to a nearby tire garage just of exit 14 so we could get the donut off and a proper one fitted.

Forty dollars and some dirty hands later, we were back on the FDR (avoiding potholes with the concentration befitting a chess grandmaster) to S’s place… it was about 3:45pm.

Then the snow comes. When I say snow, I mean lots of it. A snow storm so strong and thick that we couldn’t see Manhattan from the bridge that crosses into Queens. What should have taken us 15 minutes took us half an hour.

We finally get to S’s place at about 4:20pm and guess who’s parked up… the engineer… waiting. Superb.

Anyway, we go through a blown tire, stranded on the FDR for 3 hours, deal with brainless twats that have the ordacity to call themselves “customer service” reps (not you Chad, you were awesome), drive through one of the worst snow storms I’ve seen since moving to New York, and back to S’s in time for her cable internet hook up.

Ahh, what a weekend.

Finally, I called Zipcar this morning, calmly advising them what they are going to do for me (that’s right, I didn’t ask, I told them what they were going to do), and escalated it all the way to the Director of Member Services, Julie Ronneburger - who made the fateful error of referring to me as “honey” [strike three] when I engaged in further demand requests - a “calling me Mr. Hannan would be the proper course of action for you at this time, Julie” retort soon changed her tune, to the effect of the entire cost of my rental yesterday being refunded. Every cent.

Zipcar… bloody great idea, but poorly managed. Customers are not treated with distinction as they should, nor do they train their CSRs consistently.

I cancelled my membership today. I may as well give a complete stranger $100 to kick me in the bollocks, because that’s how I feel I’m treated every time I rent a fucking zipcar.

Good riddance.

Well at least that’s what he’s claiming, and he’s requesting a full and public apology from the Feds.

Nineties movie star Seagal claims that due to a criminal investigation carried out by the FBI, his career took a nose dive to the “straight-to-dvd” world of bollocks.

Steven Seagal, whose action movies once were major box-office attractions, believes false allegations by FBI agents ruined his career, the Los Angeles Times reported on Friday.

The comments in the Times are the first Seagal has made publicly about an investigation begun some five years ago by the FBI into accusations he intimidated a reporter and had ties to organized crime.

The Times said Seagal is demanding an apology from the FBI.

I could be way off point here, but maybe agreeing to do a movie with Erika Eleniak helped him down the slippery slope.

Or maybe it’s just that he’s a bad actor?

Oh, wait a minute… of course, I was wrong all along.

Picture this: your bus stops at the corner of 164th Street and Hillside Avenue in Queens and an elderly lady carrying a walking cane slowly crawls aboard. Right next to the doors is a kid sitting in one of those priority seats, supposedly meant to assist the lesser-abled riders the chance to sit closer to the exit. The kid doesn’t stand up, leaving the elderly woman to stand there, god knows how painful it is for her to stand… what do you do? Lay into them with the closest thing at hand, of course.

That’s what Larry Woods the bus driver did, and now he’s facing jail time for assault.

A Queens bus driver smashed a passenger over the head with a phone when he refused to give up his handicap seat to an elderly woman, police said yesterday.

The bus driver, Larry Woods, 44, and the allegedly inconsiderate rider, Christian Custis, 22, were both arrested and charged with assault after a brawl erupted over the seat on the Q43 bus in Jamaica.

Police said the fight began when Woods asked Custis to give up his seat to the frail woman with a cane who boarded at Hillside Avenue and 164th Street at 11:16 a.m. Friday.

Things turned ugly when Custis, who is not disabled, refused to relinquish his spot, cops said.

Woods then clobbered Custis in the head with the bus’ onboard phone as stunned passengers looked on, police said.

The pair was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital, where they were treated for minor injuries, before being hauled into the 103rd Precinct station house.

Custis and Woods were both arraigned in Queens Criminal Court yesterday on assault and harassment charges and released. Woods was also charged with one count of criminal possession of a weapon: the phone.

Custis’ older brother, Anthony, said his sibling was not normally hotheaded. “I don’t think he started the fight. It’s not in his nature to do so,” he said.

“Possession of a weapon!” - good grief. Look, I don’t condone acts of violence, but seriously, I think I would have done something myself… I see this happen on the C train all the time, and nobody says anything, except for me. I know, I’m probably going to get myself shot or stabbed one day for mouthing off to some respectless little prick with a blade.

These young twats nowadays have no class, and little respect for our elderly.

A taxi rider’s bill of rights includes the right to a “smoke free ride, including incense”, so I was a tad aghast when I asked my cabbie tonight to put out his fucking cigarette, which he responded with a grumble and a rear view mirror glare.

Perhaps I’m in the wrong when I assume the role of the fucking customer.

Tip = $0.

I’m sat here in front of the telly, again, and being pleasantly entertained by TLC’s documentary entitled “World’s Tallest Man”. Decidedly enjoyable, and indeed educational, my joyous square-eye fest was instantaneously ass-fucked by the last ad segment. You know me and American ads - a paranoia-feeding pool of wankers that prey on the weak-willed.

[let me set the scene]

There’s a couple having dinner, and the woman’s narrative retorts into such inane drivel as, “I just can’t sit still”, and “my legs are itching to move”, and “I just feel I need to move my legs.” She then goes on to say, “my brother told me I have ‘Restless Leg Syndrome’, and it can be treated easily.”

I was then treated to a grainy showing of her sitting comfortably, thankful of the drug they’re peddling. At the end of the ad, I’m afforded the all too frequent www to visit to “learn more about my problem” - so I type into Firefox, www.restlessleg.com.

What do I find? A one-page site full of links to a whole host of “ailments”, from migraines to herniated discs.

Say it with me.. restless leg syndrome. Go on, entertain me. Restless… leg.. syndrome. What the fuck. Restless leg? Wouldn’t that constitute just being generally fucking tired? YES!

Wankers. Oh, and moronically stupendous.

On every level, this is just plain wrong. Seinfeld’s Michael “Kramer” Richards recently lost his shit on stage, and has plopped himself in some less-than-tepid water.C’mon, what was he thinking?

Cluster fuck of a commute… I’ll make it brief. Half way between Spring and West 4th on the C train and some muppet decided to pull the chuffing emergency brake. We lurch forward (thankfully I’m holding onto the handrail firmly) and come to a sudden stop.

[90 minutes later, literally]

Police and MTA Supervisor presence now gone, we jerk forward and continue to West 4th Street, where I hopped onto the V to work. Nice… only took me 2 hours to get to work today.

Such wankers in New York, really.

So I decided to stop off at the McDonald’s drive thru on Atlantic Avenue on my way to work this morning, and order a #2 meal with coffee (that’s a Sausage and Egg McMuffin)… around I go to the pick up window, take my bag of greasy nosh and park up in their lot. To my dismay, they’d given me a cup of hot water and a tea bag, so I decide to take it to the counter inside the restaurant and ask them to change it for the coffee I’d asked for. They apologised for the mix up, and advised that they’d also given me the wrong food, and handed me another bag of breakfast fayre with my true order inside… they didn’t ask for the 1st bag back - bonus.

So I walk back to the car, sit down and proceed to tuck into my breakfast sandwich and sip on my (surprisingly great) coffee, when I notice a homeless guy pacing between the stationary cars at the traffic lights on Atlantic and Vanderbilt with a cup begging for spare change…

[tangent]

[I don't like giving change to the homeless, don't ask me why, I just don't - I'd rather give them a hot cup of tea, or some food]

…so here I am with an extra bag of free food - I honked the horn to get the guy’s attention, and waved him over to my car. I wound down the window and handed him the bag, explaining that McDonald’s had made an error with my order (I don’t know why I said that, it didn’t make any difference to him how I got the food)… I have to tell you, the smile that beamed on his face pounded on my heart - to see a guy that had probably been walking up and down that small stretch of busy rush-hour blacktop all morning, was more than likely starving. He proceeded to thank me while walking away, clutching the bag of breakfast food like Indiana Jones would hold an ancient artifact, and turned back at least half a dozen times to wave and smile at me…

McDonald’s, thank you for hiring the fucking retarded - you made a homeless guy’s day that more tolerable.

A jury on Friday said Southwest Airlines did not racially discriminate against a black woman when she was asked to buy a second seat on a plane because of her size.The jury deliberated for a little over an hour before finding against Nadine Thompson, who sued Southwest in federal court. She claimed the airline’s “customer of size” policy was unfairly applied to her after she boarded a flight at Manchester Airport in 2003.

Joel Drake, a Southwest employee, testified earlier that Thompson accused him of being a “racist pig” when he tried to explain the company’s policy and swore at him. He said in 18 years with Southwest, he’d never encountered such horrible accusations and told his boss he couldn’t do his job anymore. He took six weeks off and requested a lower position.

Thompson testified that Drake was bullying her and she felt scared, so words were her only way to fight back. She said that no Southwest employees, including Drake, ever explained to her why she needed to buy a second seat.

“Even if you’re the only black person on a flight … you still can’t prove race,” Thompson said after the verdict. “If they don’t fix these problems with their policy, other people are going to come at them.”

I love this story. Again, another example of this nation’s adept ability to sue at the drop of a hat. What makes me laugh is the part about her suing for racial discrimination - how on earth does being asked to buy an extra seat because your arse is the size of a fucking truck constitute a racial slur? I get it, she knows only full well she’s of large proportion, but there’s isn’t a law protecting her from having her lard arse commented upon, so she went with the most obvious… get real woman.

Seriously, what’s wrong with people in the US?

Crammed into subway cars with hundreds of other commuters during the morning rush, New Yorkers have cultivated all kinds of fantasies about what they would rather be doing — but acting on them is another matter.
Officials are axing advertisements that playfully urge subway riders to pretend they’re on vacation — showing cartoon figures fly fishing on the tracks and lounging across subway seats. The ads, part of a Bahamas Ministry of Tourism campaign, “advocate behavior that is clearly unsafe” and will be replaced, said Jodi Senese, a spokeswoman for CBS Outdoor, the company that distributes advertising in New York’s underground.

Under the heading “Instant Escape No. 2: How to Fly Fish with a Scarf and a cellphone,” one ad seems to instruct riders to fish for trash on the tracks by putting something sticky on a cellphone and attaching it to a scarf.

Another sign in the series, “How to Turn a Subway Seat into a Hammock,” shows a figure draped over several seats.

Track fishing and seat hogging are both forbidden by the Metropolitan Transportation Authority’s official rules.

Senese told The New York Times for Wednesday editions that the Bahamas campaign escaped her company’s notice because tourism ads do not usually require heavy scrutiny. The ads are plastered throughout as many as a quarter of the city’s 6,210 subway cars.

I’ve seen these ads over the last few weeks, and they’re eye catching - and fun with it. Makes a nice change from seeing ad after ad for some English language school bribing foreigners with the notion of speaking English will actually increase their network of friends.

I’m confused though… wouldn’t their campaign have had to been approved by the MTA in the first place? Moreover, I’m glad they’re taking down the ads, I mean, god forbid I feel compelled enough to stick a hook and maggot on the end of my scarf one day on the platform at Washington/Clinton… [rolls eyes]

Lindsay Lohan was treated at a London hospital last week after she cut her leg in an accident at Bryan Adams’ home, according to published reports.The 19-year-old “Mean Girls” star had 10 stitches to close a gash on her shin after she slipped on a set of stairs Friday. Lohan was released from the hospital later that day, the reports said.

“She and her friends were preparing breakfast, with eggs and everything, and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup,” her mother, Dina Lohan, was quoted as telling Star magazine.

“She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs since it was slippery. The teacup went flying, it was shattered, and one of the pieces cut Lindsay in her shin. It was an accident.”

I have one question… who gives a fuck?

You know the media are getting desperate when they print shit like this… what’s up CNN, the war becoming a tad blase for you?

How about some real news, news about something other than superficial excuses for human beings? Take this article about a baby Hippo and a giant tortoise that have bonded post-Tsunami, after the Hippo was carried down-river then rescued by wildlife rangers, for example. Now that’s good reading!

Lindsay Lohan’s chin, I mean come on for christ’s sake.

Actor Chris Penn, younger brother of Sean and best remembered as Nice Guy Eddie Cabot in Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs, was found dead at his Santa Monica home yesterday. He was 40, according to police, although most reports put his age as 43.Penn’s body was discovered in bed inside his apartment, located in a four-story condominium complex near the beach, by his housekeeper. Police said they were investigating the cause of death but stated that there were no obvious signs of foul play.

“Most reports put his age as 43″? What? They don’t know how old he is? Other reports say “the cause of actor Chris Penn’s death remained undetermined after an autopsy, and the coroner’s office has ordered blood toxicology tests.”

Pretty ironic that his most recent movie project was “The Darwin Awards, a black comedy about unusual suicides, was scheduled to premiere today at the Sundance film festival.”

Come on, people die, why the mystery around Chris’ death? I mean, has anyone thought about him being just a fat junkie like the rest of the Hollywood trash?

In an article entitled “Bush trumpets economy’s strength”, “President Bush shrugged off a report showing weaker-than-expected job growth on Friday and declared that “the American economy heads into 2006 with a full head of steam.”

A full head of steam? How accurately you retort pertaining your own style of communique - you bullshitting ape.

Let’s look at some facts again, shall we:

According to the U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow, the United States will have reached its statutory debt limit (currently $8.184 trillion) by February 2006. Do your people a favor, stop fucking lying to them about how such great shape their country is in (’cos they’re not buying it), drop the frigging Federal Reserve (this is your MAIN financial fuck stick, right there) - it’s killing your economy.

This article entitled The United States Is In Deep Doodoo! is scary as hell. If I were an American Citizen, I’d be smart to look for another fucking country to live in… but you know what they could do first, get you out of office by impeaching your lying ass.

CNN.com is reporting today that Congress is moving quickly to pass a military bill preventing any “inhuman and degrading” treatment of terrorism suspects in U.S. custody. It goes on:

The legislation would prohibit “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” of anyone in U.S. government custody anywhere in the world. It also would require that service members follow procedures in the Army Field Manual during interrogations of prisoners in Defense Department facilities.

What the fuck? Did I miss something? Isn’t this called the fucking Geneva Convention?

Jesus Christ, George - you’re actually publicizing a new bill being expedited through Congress to retroactively protect your own arse in an effort to ensure public support in how you have treated these prisoners in the past. It’s like a school bully saying they’re taking anger management classes after being found out they’d just knocked some kid’s teeth out in the playground.

The damage has been done.

Have you ever stood waiting for an elevator and the button’s already lit, only to have someone come along and press the button again? I see it all the time in my office building, and it makes me “tsk”. I often see people press it repeatedly like you would when playing Track & Field - they must think that the more times they press it, the elevator car will think that they’re more important and rush down to the ground floor, passing all others on the way down.

[note to all those that press the button more than once, or when it's already lit]

Knock it off. If you don’t have OCD you have no excuse. You look ridiculous when you do that, and everyone is secretly laughing at you, and blogging about you… [cough]…

I got an e-mail from my brother this morning - I usually get about 5 per week from him, consisting of random jokes and humorous tales - this one was different…

[the full e-mail]

Subject: Pass the word
After many cities not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Xmas lights. After hearing that the Birmingham council changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver’s license with her face covered. After hearing of a Primary School in Birmingham where a boy was told that for PE (Physical Education) he could wear Football League shirts (Aston Villa, Birmingham, West Brom etc) but NOT an England shirt as it could offend others!This prompted the editorial below written by a UK citizen.

[Published in a British tabloid newspaper]

Quote:
IMMIGRANTS, NOT BRITONS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on London, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Brits. However, the dust from the attacks has barely settled and the “politically correct” crowd begin complaining about the possibility that our patriotism is offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Britain. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of London being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Britons, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.This culture has been developed over centuries of wars, struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese,Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, Learn the language! “In God We Trust” is our National Motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture. If St. George’s cross offends you, or you don’t like ” A Fair Go”, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don’t care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great British freedom, “THE RIGHT TO LEAVE”. If you aren’t happy here then fuck off! We didn’t force you to come here.You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted. Pretty easy really, when you think about it.

I couldn’t agree more with this point of view… although rather agressive, it does indeed bring forth the question, “how many of us are feeling like this?”.

I came here in 2001, and found it quite a different place than I thought it would be… arrogant people, nobody says please or thank you, people would sooner step over you than give you the time of day… pissed me off for a good couple of years… then it hit me, this is New York - deal with it, embrace it.

I wish someone over here would speak out like this guy did in England - it’s about time the people of the U.S. fought for their country’s heritage, told those that want the word “God” taken out of the “Pledge Of Allegiance” to get fucked - this is what the country was founded upon - if you don’t like it here, get the fuck out.

I fucking hate car commercials, and the new one from Chevrolet isn’t by any means an exception to the rule. Their new “red tag event” touts itself as the greatest and latest sale they have ever had, and to promote their fayre, they’re sticking lovely red tags on their vehicles. They use the typical fast talking imbecile to make it sound exciting, tantalize you with the fact that it’s only through the Thanksgiving period, and if you’re not standing by one of their cars with your wallet out before the end of the holidays, you’ll lose out.

[here it comes]

Their strap line - “The price on the tag is the price you pay, not a penny more!”

Isn’t it called a fucking price tag on any normal day?

[slaps head - ah, calling it something else will make them think it's better, bigger, more fabulous!]

Some fat fuck will no doubt be there fresh and early tomorrow morning itching to see one of these fucking tags - tag my ass bitches, and don’t pay a penny more.

Vietnam police have arrested British rocker Gary Glitter on a child molestation charge, a state-run newspaper reported on Sunday.The Tuoi Tre (Youth) newspaper quoted immigration police at

Ho Chi Minh City’s Tan Son Nhat airport as saying Glitter — whose real name is Paul Francis Gadd — was arrested while trying to board a plane to Bangkok on Saturday morning.

Immigration police at the airport declined to comment.

The state-run youth newspaper said police escorted Glitter back to the southern resort town of Vung Tau where, according to state-run Vietnamese media, he had taken home several girls aged 15 or under.

On Thursday, Foreign Ministry spokesman Le Dung said police wanted to question the 61-year-old rocker about the allegations, which first surfaced in the British tabloid press.

“If we have evidence of a child sexual violation, very strict legal measures would be applied,” Dung said.

Gary’s at it again, why doesn’t this surprise me. It was only 6 years ago that the aging pop tart was arrested for having been caught with thousands of pictures of child pornography on his home computer.

Supposedly one of the girls is 12 years old… if found guilty he could face 12 years in prison per offense. Under Vietnamese law, sexual contact with a minor carries varying degrees of penalties, depending on the charge. “Obscene acts with a child” can get up to 12 years in prison while child rape carries the maximum penalty of death before a firing squad.

Firing squad, what a waste of a good bullet - just hang the bastard, by his child-loving todger.

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