This morning’s commute was without doubt the fucking funniest I’ve had to date, period. Firstly, I get a seat on the C train - talk about winning the lottery.I sat at the left-hand end of a train car, across from the conductor compartment - one of those 2-seater ass buckets, you get my drift. Across from me sat the epitome of OCD… allow my retort… homeless (evidently presented due to the scruffy attire, 3 bags full of torn-off-posters and other oddities) and fucking nuts - the guy goes into this entire “god loves his children” shit reading off the back off some MTA (no C train this weekend) flyers that he’d written his speeches on - so loud I could hear him through my own blaring music, and my Er6i’s. Mesmerized by this, I couldn’t help but watch him delve deep into his multiple bags and pull out 2 different pairs of sunglasses and 4 different hats. All of them were worn, and in an array of presentation, as if one were in Sunglasses & Hat Hut checking out the latest fashions. Jesus, I live in a fucking nut house.

I think I was about as far as Jay Street, and out of my periphery I sense a “shape” moving toward me.

[tangent]

If you’ve ridden the New York City subway, you’ll know that a 2-seater doesn’t actually sit 2 people - especially when one of the parties is, how should I put it, fat.

[back on topic]

Here she comes - has to be about 250lbs - ass - that’s all I saw - her ass, eye-level with me, moving my way. She SQUEEZES in next to me, squashing my winter coat, smushing it against my body, creating folds against both me and the seat I was sat on. First thought was, of course, “for fuck’s sake, what the fuck are you doing!”, yet I remained mute. She “sits”, and tries to hook her left leg over her right, to allow her more room to occupy the seat she took, and it just doesn’t work - her leg sliding off, twice. Here’s the funny part… she stands up - well, pulls herself out of the seat, stands up, turns around and looks at me and gives me the dirtiest look ever! Like it’s my fault her arse is bigger than a fucking television. Awesome, ironic, idiocy.

So the office was nuts as usual - the coworker with the farting problem is back on top form - big time, which brings forth hilarity, not a bad thing - I swear though, if I ever smell one of those pant cabbages, I will have to lose my shit entirely.

I’m surfing the net as I usually do, and I come across the coolest thing I’ve seen in a LOOOOONG time - a wedding, a video, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” playing… you know what comes next… yes, YES, the bloody entire wedding group do the Thriller dance, and it just brings my day back to some level of normality, and all is good in the world.

God I love this City, I do - I really do.

If you’re ever in the vicinity of Vanderbilt and Park Place in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, be sure to check out Muddy Waters - it’s right on the corner, look for the blue awning.

Due to the free (and fast) wi-fi available at this joint, I can write about this right away. The coffee is freshly ground on the premises, the bagel choices are aplenty, and they have a kick ass ham bagel that comes with cucumber, mayo and other delicious accoutrements (pic above). All this tastefully inspired fayre comes with some pretty sweet tunes playing - 80’s remixes, deep house (I actually got to hear Plastic Dreams by Jaydee), to mellow R&B, not too loud, but enough to hear over the occasional grinding of the coffee bean.

If you’re ever in the area, Muddy Waters is well worth checking out.

Tomorrow morning Cathleen is driving cross country to California. She decided to to expand her business on the west coast, and she’s done a pretty good job thus far by all accounts. Sure Cate and I are still friends, which is a nice place to be at considering we’re going through a (very civil) divorce, but she’s taking with her the one thing I’m going to miss terribly - her dog, Kaya.

I remember my very first day here in New York City, and due to some immense jet lag, I collapsed on the bed with Kaya next to me - we bonded right away. For the next 5 years we’d been the best of friends. Countless walks in the park, lazy nights on the sofa watching tv, and my favorite, her “good morning greetings”, that would normally consist of her moseying up to me with her wee nub of a tail wagging, with a big smiley doggy grin on her face - normally, I’m sure, as she knew she was going to be fed any second.

Tonight I popped over to my ex’s place to say my farewell, goodbye to a good friend, a pooch with history. I’ll miss her, a hell of a lot. At 13 years old, I’m more saddened by the notion that tonight may be the last time I would see her.

A sad day.

So David Beckham’s done with Real Madrid, and moving to the US to play for Los Angeles Galaxy, in a deal that’s topping $250 million in salary and endoresements.

This is a great move for American soccer - the hype over Freddie Adu died down pretty quickly - so this should inject some spark into the “football fever” over this side of the pond.

Good to see some real talent over here.

What would you do to fulfill your dream? Would you dance across 7 continents? This guy did, and I think it’s one of the coolest things I’ve surfed upon.I love the San Francisco segment.

Go Matt!

…the frigging Rubik’s Cube. Good god, I remember picking up my grandfather’s (or was it my uncle’s?) when I was a kid - I was probably 12 or something. We had a book back then that went through step by step each individual turn of the cube - one side, the first layer edges, then the corners, blah blah… what a headache - I still could never figure the damn thing out. Twenty years or so later, S buys me a cube of my very own - a “reward” of sorts, as I’d stopped smoking for a week. Have I been able to put it down? No. Am I hooked? Yes. It’s like a tiny multi-colored cube of solid crack - and I’m snorting it for hours each day. Yesterday I was twisting the little bastard from 1:30pm til 8:30pm… get a life, Brit, for fuck’s sake!

Anyway, due to some crazy ass gaseous smell that permeated throughout the City of New York today, our office closed and we were sent home, so I was fiddling with cube most of the day - about 4 hours to be honest. I’ve been trying to find a solid beginners solution website for a couple of days, and came across a very nice one today, which had me solving the Rubik crack cube in as little as 7 minutes! For a first timer, I don’t think that’s a bad time - so all I need to do from hereon is to keep solving, over and over, until I memorize the algorithms necessary to place the requisite 1st, 2nd and 3rd layer sides, then permute the final corners and edges - yeah, I used the freaking word “permute”!

So, S is going away this Wednesday through Monday, and I’ve promised myself that I’ll have it down, all memorized, by the weekend.

Rubik’s Cube - holy mother of god, what have I started…

A week ago today I quit smoking. I was never a heavy smoker, but a smoker nontheless. I’d planned on quitting on New Year’s Day, but due to the worst stomach flu of my life, I decided to quit on December 29th. I feel great. The patch is my chosen method of assistance, and it seems to be working a treat.

Food tastes weird, can’t drink beer as it tastes like crap - but all in all, I don’t stink like dog’s ass and I can walk up 3 flights without wheezing like a 60 year old.

New Yorker Wesley Autrey became a hero yesterday when he saved the life of Cameron Hollopeter, a student at the New York Film Academy. After Cameron fell from the subway platform at the southbound 1 train’s 137th Street/City College station, Wesley jumped into action and dived on top of the terrified teenager and pinned him down in the drainage trough between the tracks, as a 1 train came screaming into the station - thankfully the train driver saw what was happening and slammed on the emergency brakes, but not until 2 train cars had passed over the two, leaving only 2 inches to spare between them and the undercarriage of the train.

A true hero story - I love reading shit like this - this is the kind of story that inspires.