it was probably around 4:50pm yesterday whilst I was finishing up work for the week, and I decided to take a trip to the Apple Store in SoHo to pick me up a spankingly shiny new black iPod nano. Being the kind of perfectionist I am, I decided to call the store, just to make sure my journey would not prove futile… so I called, and asked some guy if they had any black 4GB nanos in stock, to which I was advised “yes, sir. we have plenty.” I made sure by asking pretty much the exact same, and he repeated his first reply.

in a blur, I shut down my POS windows work station and head out for the 6 train downtown to Spring Street. The 6 is amazing - always one flying down the tunnel, never have to wait… so I board and fight the excitement of holding my new girlfriend - black, sleek, sexy, great ass… < not that one.

I get to the store at 5:20pm, and the line is as expected… vast. I’m stood in line for about 15 minutes, and I’m gradually getting closer to holding my tiny new toy, and some guy comes out from behind the counter (funny, I actually remember him looking like Michael Buffer) and shouted, “those that are waiting to pick up a black 4GB iPod nano, please raise your hand.” There I was, flashback of Mr. Blackburn, my old math teacher from high school asking the class some algebra question, and I would always shoot my hand into the air as I knew the question… math was easy. My hand went up, and the Buffer look-a-like counted…

he turned to us all and said, “we only have 5 left…”, then motioned to the last two thirds of the line (which included me) with his hand and continued, “you guys from here onward probably won’t be able to get one today, but you’re welcome to stay in line just in case those in front of you don’t get one. Or you could go for the 2GB model.” Ok, two things:

1. those 5 lucky bastards that are in line for a guaranteed nano, would have to physically drop dead for them to not get their iPods

2. why would I settle for something I didn’t come here for?

[deep breath]

My shoulders slumped, and I sighed. Then I remembered my call to the store only 25 minutes earlier - “yes, sir - we have plenty.” Plenty, huh? Let’s look at some facts here for a second:

Typically, the average sale at the Apple Store can take anywhere from 3 minutes to closer to 5 - let’s go with 5 minutes, as it was a Friday night, and the place was packed, and there were new iMacs flying off the shelves and they try and cross sell you extra software, Airport cards, extended warranties etc.

The math:

25 minutes between my call and arriving at the store

/

5 minutes per customer

=

5 iPod nanos sold (if indeed all 5 customers actually bought an iPod nano

+

the 5 remaining iPod nanos I was told they had left

=

10 iPod nanos when I called from the office approximately

I ask you, when did 10 of anything become “plenty”, when it’s the hottest thing in the world right now, in a packed store, on a Friday night after work… IN NEW YORK FUCKING CITY???

I have a message to the jackass on the phone at the store who took my call, and gave me the good old ‘bait and switch’ maneuver… if I ever get my hands on you, you will have plenty of teeth left in your bullshit mouth.