This is Sam, a 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese Crested who recently won the ‘World’s Ugliest Dog’ title at the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest for the third consecutive year. The tiny dog has no hair - unless you’re counting that excuse for a mohawk, actually hair. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his beak, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth. Talking of that British twat-tard, there’s a distinct resemblance to Dr. Evil there - notice his back paw in his gorgeous mouth. (Dr. Evil voice: “one….mILLion… DOllerrrsss”)

He’s so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table. The sad thing is that Sam is suffering from a number of age-related ailments (congestive heart failure, lung and kidney problems), so will probably not be able to please his bitches in next year’s competition.

Poor little bastard.