I see this every day - and I’m not exaggerating… EVERY DAY people!

I was sat on the subway [f train] this morning traveling to work, and this big guy gets on, cowboy hat, one of those really attractive earrings that makes a huge hole in your lobe - you know the ones I mean - he sits down right in front of me, sideways - you know the seats I’m talking about.

all is [pretty] normal, until he takes off his hat, places it on his lap, and proceeds to crack his fingers… this goes on for about 10 minutes, then it happens… the corners of his mouth start to turn up. he’s smiling… to himself… then he starts mouthing something inaudible, like if he was reading a book, and you’d kind of follow the words with your mouth sometimes. his silent chatter starts to race, then some kind of eyebrow twitching begins, like it’s some facial orchestra, and the conductor is building on the instrumental crescendo to a final climatic explosion of sound!

I notice hanging around his neck some kind of ID, so I position myself to a point where I can get a good look at what it is this crazy bastard does for a living - you know what it said? it said “licensed new york city tour guide”. I can see it now, “and to your left is the empire state building. and further north is central park, where I am going to take you and murder you all - and take your pinky toes as trophies.”

I sit and watch this guy, fiddling with his fingers and hands, eyebrows twitching like epileptic caterpillars, talking to himself in some silent tongue only he understands…

…and then it hits me…

I live in the company of freaking nut jobs!

sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get the opportunity to simply die of old age [rolls eyes]